Winter has always been a difficult time for me in Michigan, with its many gray days, not too much sunlight. I woke up feeling heavy, lazy, and tired. I wanted to pull the covers off my head and go back to my safe sleeping position. I felt something was wrong but I really didn't care what it was. I knew I didn’t want to face another hard day, outside of the sleeping world. I felt scared, but I didn't know why. I dragged myself out of bed and into the bathroom. I could not decide if I wanted to shave or bathe first, so I made that very difficult decision to wash. The normal thoughts that were running through my head every morning, will I ever get rid of this feeling? Why did I always feel this way? Maybe this is normal and I will eventually get through it?
In the end, I was fully awake and the little tasks seemed big, tedious and overwhelming but I kept going. I started my day by looking at the mistakes in everything except myself. I was very short and angry with those close to me and I didn't notice it, so I walked out the door to work and went to work. Throughout the day, at work, I would hear rude people talking to me, asking questions, but there was nothing. Outside I placed a large front so that no one could see, but I was trapped in a deep dark world, personal hell.
I could easily forget things, even when I was writing them down. Order, no matter how I organized things, seemed insignificant, because I was depressed and felt dull. I could not really decide what to do with it because everything seemed to be going my way. When I started something was like climbing a mountain and I could not see at the top. At times, I was overwhelmed with feelings of guilt and despair. I felt that no one knew what I was going through or that they could help me. I was easily offended and upset about everything and everyone. There were times of panic / Anxiety attacks at midnight, that wasn't fun.
My typical day was like that movie “Ground Hog Day” with Bill Murray where he had to keep repeating the same day until he fixed it. What I found out later was that somewhere, I allowed myself to fall into a state of depression and I did not even realize it. When I finally admitted that I was depressed and needed to do something it took me a while to find the right solutions through trial and error. The only person who can get you out of depression is you, but I have to tell you the biggest secret to my success is the St. Johns Wort which I took about 6 months. If you need to know more about what I was taking come to my forum for more details.
Now I'm doing well, focusing, driving, energizing, and caring about what happens to me and to others. I jump out of bed, I can't wait to deal with all the problems I have (They are problems now, before they become major problems). I have no emotional inclinations that I had before. I do not go with “brightly colored mirrors”, but I like the clear vision now without the feeling of numbness.
Depression is a traumatic event that many will go through in their lives, but stress does not have to take over your life more than the help that is available. Responses and treatments will vary from person to person what works for one person may not work for another. Allowing oneself to become a victim of stress and addiction will adversely affect you and others. Depression drains you to a depth of feeling that you have no power to accomplish anything or beat the stress itself, a vicious cycle. Depression seems to cause many physical ailments that can be cured by treatment. It's time to dump her and move on.
Being able to feel normal and manage life is your right. When people look at others cool and calm they seem to control everything that may not be the case, because most of us are able to prioritize. Positive priorities are okay for a while, but you need to deal with distractions. “Depression gradually destroys your will and destroys any efforts to find happiness in normal life. This is not what anyone wants.
Lastly, I want you all to know that depressed people are very intelligent, loving and compassionate and have a lot to offer in the world, but they should realize that they are depressed, acknowledge it and find a solution.
You must be logged in to post a comment.